Greek Philosophers Sing for American Idol (Part 1: Socrates)

Some of the contestants for American Idol: Season Greek Philosophers. Image from Wikipedia

Ryan Seacrest: “Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Don’t be distracted by the enormous Coke-a-Cola Bottle swirling behind me. They’re sponsors. We like them.

Now last week we said goodbye to Epicurus and Pyrrho of Elis in an intense double elimination round. Epicurus seemed stunned, but Pyrrho seemed to say he just doesn’t care anymore and doubts the integrity of the whole system.

That was last week and now we’re down to America’s three favorite Greek Philosophers: Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. Let’s see what they have to offer.”

[Socrates sings “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”]

Randy Jackson: “Socrates, I knew from the first moment we met that you were going to be great, and this song proves it. It’s a gutsy move but you pulled it off. It was a little pitchy at first but you pulled it back in and really did a great job pantomiming climbing a ladder at the ‘scaled these city walls’ part.”

Jennifer Lopez: “Randy is absolutely right. You gave me chills, goosebumps, look at them. They’re all over like some sort of rash. Good job.”

What Steven Tyler Meant To Say: “Socrates, I love the way you’re always striving to follow questions to the end and leave your readers in a state of aporia. You let your

interlocutor know that there is no easy answer, and even with believing in the gods and social informed notions of justice, you ‘still haven’t found’ what you’re looking for. Brilliant. You hold true to the statement that what you’ve always said: ‘I know that I know nothing.’ Still the paragon of wisdom, Socrates.”

What Steven Tyler Actually Said: “Socrates, man. Man. You took it all out of left wing with that one, and I don’t think anyone expected it. You are the real you, man, and you’ve got to stick to it.


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